2015高考真题集P46作文——邹佳桐 2015-12-17
With people's living standard improving remarkably,what we are faced with is a new social phenomenon that the number of private cars in China is increasing and takes 15% of the world's total vehicles.
Therefore,not everyone has a parking space and they will park their cars everywhere for example the bicycle lanes.What's more,some riders of e-bikes and bicycles don't observe the traffic laws.Not only are they in danger,but also people inside the cars they hit will get hurt.
Being a teenager whose parents own a car,I hold an opinion that the main reason about the messy traffic is that many people don't observe the laws which should be observed.
What can we do?
You may think we are too young to consider it,but we can help even by ignoring traffic lights when we cross the street.If the rules and regulations in our country is in order,our country will be stronger.
Don't you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-12-20)
李霄鹏老师回复邹佳桐：
17分
首先，仔细审题，题目要求用30个单词概述你所看到的信息的主要内容并简要分析交通问题的主要原因
分析现象，谈谈你得到的启示（不少于2点）
据此，我们首先应该概述短文的主要内容。我们在写作课程中教过大家一个图表说明文的万能句型：As is shown by the figure in the chart，这里因为不是图表说明文，所以可以对这句话进行适当的改编：As is shown in the passage… 或者用我们学过的化简为繁：What the passage shows/tells/states us is that…+主题句
其次，老师建议在分析主要“导致交通问题的原因”是先总后分。先总述导致交通问题的原因主要有两个，1-人们不遵守交通规则，2-车越来越多；再分述
升级句式：你作文中运用了不少万能句型（ With people's living…/what we are faced with/Being a teenager）,而且是经过了调整的，这点很好，要继续把我们学过的知识合理运用到适合的语境中去
再给你提个意见：“the number of private cars in China is increasing and takes 15% of the world's total vehicles”如果把这句话中的“and takes up”，用我们学过的升级句式的方法“化繁为简”，改为：“the number of private cars in China is increasing，taking up 15% of the world's total vehicles”。这样是不是更好呢？
作文中有些句子的表达有误，如：“but we can help even by ignoring traffic lights when we cross the street”，可以改成“but we can make every effort to improve city traffic safety, for instance, we can remind pedestrians （行人）who ignore the traffic lights when they cross the street.”
加油吧！老师相信你可以写出更好的作文！
2015-12-16网络课程作业 2015-12-16
With the society developing rapidly and people's living standard improving remarkably ,what we are faced with is a social phenomenon that more and more families choose to own a private car.
As is shown by the figure in the chart ,the number of private cars rose sharply.In the article we can also see that a number of cars lead to a big traffic jam.
I think there are two reasons why it caused a big traffic problem.On the one hand ,the rules and regulations are not very clear.People usually break traffic rules but they were not published.So they don't obey the rule.On the other hand ,people's personal behaviors are not normative.It is a factor that people break the law.
Therefore,I think we should norm our own behaviors and advise our relatives and friends to norm their behaviors.If more and more people can obey the rules,traffic problems will disappear.Our world will be harmonious and peaceful.
回复内容：(2015-12-19)
李霄鹏老师回复王斯萌：
得分18分
1-首先在这篇段落分的有点散。根据你的整篇作文的大意，我们可以将这篇作文主要分为三段，第一段是对现象的描述，第二段是你的观点的论述，第三段是对观点的总结，这样更能突出文章的整体结构。
2-在第一段中，你能够以正确的表达方式将该作文的主题体现出来，并且运用了我们交过的升级句式的方式—化繁为简。比如：What I am faced with is the social phenomenon…, 这是很好的现象。
3-As is shown by the figure in the chart , the number of private cars rose sharply. In the
article we can also see that a number of cars lead to a big traffic jam.这句话很好的运用了as的句型，但是有一点要注意，我们平时用heavy这个词来形容交通的拥堵：heavy traffic jam 严重的交通堵塞
4-I think there are two reasons why it caused a big traffic problem.
在高考作文中尽量不要用I think 来表达“我认为”，最好使用高级一点的词汇，例如：In my opinion, As far as I’m concerned。所以这句话可以升级为：As far as I’m concerned，there are two reasons why it caused a big traffic problem.
5-要注意前后时态的对应还有单词的拼写，当然也有可能是家长打错了。例如这句话：People usually break traffic rules but they were not published.我们需要将其修改为：People usually break traffic rules but they are not punished.
6-Therefore, I think we should norm our own behaviors and advise our relatives and friends to norm their behaviors.在这句话中，norm这个单词并没有动词的形式，你可以用restrict 这一类的单词来表达“约束行为”的意思。
Anyway，加油！李老师期待你更大的进步。
If I Were A Teacher 2015-11-22
If I Were A Teacher
Good morning,everyone. With the development of society, education becomes more and more important. Being a teacher is an honor, because teachers are the leaders who bring us to success. Therefore, being a teacher was my dream, since I was a little girl. If I were a teacher, I would set an example for students to follow in the aspect of education and life.
First of all, If I were a teacher, I would have a full understanding of different students`levels and interests. What`s more, I would not only inspire their interests, but also make study to be happiness instead of burden.
In the aspect of homework, although homework is an effective way to review the contents of the class, I wouldn’t leave too much homework, in case they feel boring. I would put stress of homework to find out of problems of study.
Last but not least, as a teacher, I would treat every student equally. If I were a teacher, I wouldn’t have a preference for the high score students. On the contrary, I would pay more attention to relatively poor students. I would not only teach them to study, but also let them know how to be a person who has a sense of responsibility. I would be a teacher and friend to them.
What I’ve said above is easier to say than done. But I would devote myself to teaching. Thank you everyone.
回复内容：(2015-11-22)
同学你好！
首先让老师非常高兴的是，你的作文已经具有一定的功底，句型、词汇的使用也比较丰富。 只是在具体的细节处，还有些需要修整的地方，现在我们一起来看看都有哪些是可以提升的吧！
首先，关于过去时和现在完成时的使用中，要注意区分，过去时表示过去状态，而现在完成时表示从过去一直持续到现在的状态。在“being a teacher was my dream,”这句话中，显然现在完成时更加适用。另外，since一般用在现在完成时中，也需要加深印象。
2.“Being a teacher is an honor,because teachers are the leaders who bring us to success.”这句话比较单薄，可以改为The glorious of being a teacher is that it is the lighthouse that indicate directions for students when they get lost.
词汇的名词和形容词词性的区分，形容词是修饰人还是修饰物，这是应该更清晰的在“but also make study to be happiness instead of burden.”“in case they feel boring”句中掌握的。
在由“and,than,as well as”等词连接的平行结构中，前后两部分的句子形式应保持一致。所以“What I`ve said above is easier to say than done.”这句中，than 后应该与前面to say 保持一致，使用to do.
“I wouldn`t have a preference for the high score students .”这句话可以改为“I would treat every student without discrimination.Neither favor high score students nor neglect the slow-learning students.”
老师相信，你绝对具有写出高分作文的潜质！继续努力！加油！
作文修改 2015-11-22
Dear Peter:
Glad to hear from you again. Let me tell you something about my two-month study life.
It has been two months since I started to study in senior high. What I am faced with is that the lessons is becoming more and more, and the difficulty is getting bigger and bigger, because of which, the pressure is becoming further and further.
But you don’t need to worry about me, because I have found a method to adjust to it.
I found that if I follow the teachers and discuss the problems with the teachers, I can improve my study standard rapidly. Don’t you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-11-22)
同学，你好！
首先，非常高兴在你的作文里看到了我们教过的升级句式的方式—化简为繁，比如“What I am faced with is that the lessons is becoming more and more... ”, 这是很好的现象，你把在课堂上学到的东西进行了有效的运用。这点非常值得提倡。但是这里犯了一个小错误哦，表语从句的主语为“the lessons”,be动词应该为“are”
“because of which, the pressure is becoming further and further”，这句话也用了承上启下的高级句式
“Don’t you agree with me?”这句话也吸收了之前我们讲过的通过句式的变换（除了陈述句还可以使用疑问句等形式）成功避免了三大傻中的其中一傻
整体作文写的不错！老师再给你一个建议：再往下除了继续多利用我们学过的升级句式的方法，还可以多升级词汇！这样你的得分会更高！
电脑的利与弊 2015-11-22
With people’s living standard improving remarkably, Computers and TV gradually into people’s homes. What we are faced with is to give up one of them. My opinion is to give up the computers.
Nowadays, more and more people addicted to computer. They use it to play computer games. It not only hurt the eyes but also spend our time on the things without meaning. In addition, It is also used to chat online. This makes us lack of communication between people.
Though computer can be used to read essays, do a shopping and even look up any information, I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
Don’t you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-11-22)
得分：17
同学，你好！
1-首先，注意细心，文章中出现几次大小写的错误，“Computers and TV gradually into people’s homes”；In addition, It is also used to chat online.
2-“Computers and TV gradually into people’s homes”此句中缺少谓语，into只是介词，可以改为computers and TV are gradually involved in people’s life.
3-be动词 / 系动词+ addicted to 是“对…上瘾”的意思，这句话应该为：Nowadays, more and more people are addicted to computer.
4-单复数要对应上。
应该为：It not only hurts the eyes but also spends our time on the things without meaning.
5-In addition, it is also used to chat online. This makes us lack of communication between people. 这个句子可以升级一下，In
addition , chatting online takes our much daily time in which we were accustomed to communicating with others.
这片作文整体不错，文章通顺，使用了伴随结构和万能句型，但还是要注意细节问题哦。
what we need in overcoming difficulities is confidence 2015-06-23
Life is colorful,but we may face different kinds of difficulties.In my idea,what we need in overcoming difficulties is confidence.
Being a teenager studying in Grade 9, I often suffer from stress in my life and feel confused.Fear and anxiety filled my lung and I can hardly breathe.However, with the help of my teacher,I find that keep confident is a good way to guard against stress.There is a famous saying flashed my mind：confidence doesn't need any specific reason，if you're alive，you should feel 100 percent confident.
Because of confidence,not only can I cheer myself up when I am low,but also I can encourage other classmates and make them positive. Confidence is a charming temperament.
Don't U agree with me?
老师我18号发了一个没看到回信啊？
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 超级无敌的cy：
得分：18分
作文写的挺顺畅，但有一点需要注意，如果是记叙文，就需要有叙述，即描述经历的部分
你的作文中缺少这部分描写，不然分数还能再高些！
另外，“Fear and anxiety filled my lung and I can hardly breathe”这个句子的表达有些Chinglish了，可以改成：I was totally overwhelmed by fear and anxiety and I could hardly breathe.
“I find that keep confident is a good way to guard against stress.”这个句子中，that后面引导宾语从句，keep confident作主语，keep要用动名词keeping的形式
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcoming difficulties is confidence 2015-06-22
Being a teenager studying in modern society,I hold an opinion that what we need in overcoming difficulties is confidence.
You know why?
That comes from my experience.Once,I attended a Engish speaking competition.Because I have no confidence,I speaked so quietly that I failed.I regretted.In another competion,I speaked cofidently and I succeeded.
Not only can confidence make us succeed,but also it can make us have the courage of overcoming difficulties.
Don't you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 南东昀：
得分：17分
万能句型用了不少，哈哈！
中间在描写自身经历的时候有点太过“草率”，可以在具体一些
speak的过去式是spoke，不是speaked，切记！
an English speaking competition，不是“a”，可能是家长打字漏掉了！
另外，表达的有些过于口语话，比如：
I speaked so quietly that I failed 这句话可以改成：My voice was too low to be heard. Thus I didn’t get any prize.
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcoming difficulties is courage 2015-06-22
As we all know there are plenty of difficulties in our lives .In my view ,what we need in overcoming difficulties is courage because courage makes perfect.
Once I took part in a speaking competition .Before it ,I was so nervous that I could not keep still.Thus,My mum told me not only can courage give me confidence but it can help me overcome difficulties.I did so and really made it.
In short,Being a teenager studying in modern society ,I hold an opinion that courage is everything.
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 四叶草 ：
得分：18分
文章写的较顺，不错
在描写实例的过程中，注意前后句子的连贯性
如：“Before it ,I was so nervous that I could not keep still.Thus,My mum told me not…”这句话中的“thus”先得有些突兀，可以加强细节的描写，如：I was so nervous that I could not keep still. Seeing this, my mum came to me and told me gently that not only…
加油！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcoming difficulties is patient. 2015-06-22
There are many difficulties in our lives .Being a teenager studying in modern society,I hold an opinion that when we overcome difficulties ,we should be patient.
There is an experience of mine .One day ,my maths teacher asked us to answer a question .It was so difficult that I couldn't answer it .But I rather keep on it than give up .I told myself I should be patient . Finally ，I solved the question by myself .
Not only can we overcome difficulties ,but also we can improve our abilities by being patient .Don't you agree with me？
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 王舒馨 ：
得分：18分
文章的整体性很强，首尾呼应，万能句型用的恰到好处
“rather keep on it than give up”这个句子可以改成“I would rather keep on it than give it up”
继续加油！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
★☆★☆What we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking 2015-06-22
What we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking because it is the most important thing
in yourlife.
One day I had a big problem that I had too much homework to do.I thought I would sleep too late.
So I hurried to do my homework.To my surprised I finished my home work not too late,because of my hardworking.
being a teenager studing in modern society,I hold on an opinion that hardworking is we need in covercoming difficulties.Not only can it improve your efficience but also it can make you succesful.
Do you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 刘禹辰：
得分：17分
文章整体显得有些松散，不紧凑且句子稍显口语化了
好在还是写了实例在里面，提醒你注意的是：在举例的过程中，要注意事例的完整性，不能只有开头和结果简单的两句话，可以适当加一两句细节的描写
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking 2015-06-22
What should we do when we face difficulties?Can we just give it up?
The answer is no.Being a teenager studying in morden society ,l hold an idea that what we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking.
It is said that pratice makes perfect.If l want to overcoming difficulties,compare with having nothing to do,working hard is my choice.Although we fail ninty nine times,we must do it the hundredth time.Life teaches us,if we working hard,we will be success.In school if we studying hard,not only can we learn many knowledge from books but also develop a good habit of hardworking.
I deem what we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking.Don't you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 陈品戍：
得分：17分
作文的流畅度较高，“熟能生巧”的俗语用在这里也比较贴切。但不知道是不是因为粗心呢？有些简单的拼写和词的搭配不正确
再提醒一次，中考的时候千万注意啊！
1-“Can we just give it up”，放弃困难中的困难前面用的是复数形式，这里要改成：give them up
2-morden的正确拼法是“modern”,ninty的正确拼法是“ninety”
3-“compare with having nothing to do”这是万能句型，正确的应该是“compared with…”
4-“if we working hard”这是条件状语从句，要有谓语动词，“working hard”只是短语，去掉ing
下面的“ if we studying hard”这句话同理
5-“知识”多数情况下是不可数名词，用much修饰
战胜这些小错误，且多结合实际说明论点，能得到更高的分数～！
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
作文江 2015-06-21
What we need in overcoming difficulties is courage.
We need lots of things in ovrecoming difficulties,but in my opinion the most important thing is courage.
Do you know why?
Being the greaest thing in the word,courage can give us much when we are in trouble.Once I must face a necessary exam.When I was in the exam I felt very nervous.Meanwhile I remember my teacher said "what we need is just courage."Then not only could I raise my spirits but also I could know all the problems.A few days later I got my best marks in my life .From then on I understood what my teacher meant.
Overcoming difficulties is not so difficult we just need to encourage ourselves and face it with coueage.All of them are just paper tigers.
Don't you agree with me?
李霄鹏老师我们老师说倒装句还有一些高端词汇中考不让用啊我稍微中和了一下就不是那么高大上了凑和看吧(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 张颖：
得分：17分
万能句型和作文内容结合起来了，这点不错～
“I must face a necessary exam”这个句子中的must和necessary要表达的意思重复了
“Meanwhile”的衔接不是很恰当，可以换成“suddenly I remembered”
另外注意文章的流畅和连贯。
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking 2015-06-21
In my life , I face many difficulties .Compared with giving up ,hardworking is my preference. In my opinion , what we need in overcoming difficulties is hardworking .
Once, I went to climb a mountain . when I climbed half of the mountain , I felt very tired .But I didn’t give up . I stuck with climbed the mountain and finally arrived the top of the mountain .
At there , not only can I see the beautiful city ,but also I can know the thing we need in overcoming difficulties. Being a teenager studying in modern society ,I hold an opinion that it is hardworking .Don’t you agree with me ?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 火烧云：
得分：18分
“爬山”的例子结合的不错，是到目前为止写的比较特别的一次经历，这点很好！
用到了我们的万能句型来表达中心，但是一共提到了三次，可以适当去掉一次，留一个首尾呼应就很好了。
另外 还有几个小问题：
1-“ I face many difficulties”这句话的时态可以再精准一些，改成：I have met many difficulties in my life…
2-“I stuck with climbed the mountain”这里“stuck with”用的不准确，如果你想表达坚持爬山，可以用 continue to do sth
3-there在这里是方位副词，不需要介词at
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
作文（Q） 2015-06-21
What we need in overcoming difficulties is courage
When we are living in the modern life,we may meet lots of difficulties.How will we feel when we face them?Nervous?Afraid?But remember,if we want to overcome them,we need courage.
Some months ago,I failed my exam.I was sad and nervous.I even wanted to give up.Suddenly I remembered what I said to myself-Never underestimate your power to change yourself!Then I regained my courage.I felt I was full of energy.
With courage,not only can we face difficulties from our daily life,but also we can overcome them.Therefore,being a teenager facing lots of difficulties from modern life,I hold an opinion that what we need in overcoming difficulties is courage.
Don't you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 Q：
得分：18分
1-“When we are living in the modern life”“住”的地方要具体，不能说住在生活里，可以改成：living in today’s modern cities
2-第二段开头“But remember”衔接的不够自然，可以加一个过度（结合前面你写的内容）：But
no matter how hard you may feel, (you must)remember…
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！
What we need in overcomingdifficulties is hardworking By千 2015-06-21
One day I was doing my maths homework at home. Though these questions were very difficulties,I didn't give it up and overcome it by working hard .The next day the teacher praised me and I was very happy.
From my experience in overcoming difficulties,I think hardworking is very important.Not only can we overcome difficulties,but also we can widen our horizen.
Being a teenager studying in modern society,I hold an opinion that we need hardworking in overcoming difficulties.Don't you agree with me?
回复内容：(2015-06-24)
李霄鹏老师回复 千：
得分：18分
你的作文和别人与众不同哦，是先说了自己的经历再给出的结论，也可以采取总分总的形式，这样更直入主题。
第一段中有两个问题需要注意：
1-“Though these questions were very difficulties”，这句话中的“difficulties”应该改成：difficult，用形容词，因为副词修饰形容词，别把difficulties（名词复数形式）和difficult（形容词）的词性混淆了。
2-“I didn't give it up and overcome it by working hard”，既然前面的主语是 “those questions”，那么这里的it是不是也要对应的改成them呢？注意细节！
Anyway！李老师祝你中考取得好成绩！